3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My vagina just clenched in fear
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
