I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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