so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
