We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My vagina just recognized that song.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
