I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
