How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
