Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
