Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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