She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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