my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
