Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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