More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wear drunk well.
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