she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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