What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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