tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
