Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
