I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
