I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
