There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
