No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This baby is an asshole
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
