I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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