I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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