I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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