from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
