So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
