Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
