It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
