No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
