Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
