Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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