dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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