Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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