YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
