her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
