Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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