Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
