I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
