Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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