All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
