i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
