Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
