apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
