Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
