btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
