our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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