I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize