Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize