she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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