Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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