My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
