I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
