ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
