I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize