walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
