She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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