where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
