If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
