Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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