it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
