Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
home. puking in laundry basket.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
