new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
