He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
