No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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