sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
