Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
