I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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