she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
