do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
