We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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