God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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