You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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