College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
