So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
