After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
