smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
