I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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