Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
