Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize