I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
