Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
