I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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