Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
FUCK WHALES
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I did not marry a roomba.
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