As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
